moaningminnie (moaningminnie) wrote,

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Oh procrastination how I luuurve you....

Rightey! Here we go. Procrastination is an art, and since I consider myself quite arty...I am as such, a master of procrastination.

Under the cut is a fic which I wrote a good 2/3 years ago...a Stargate SG1 fic - Daniel/Vala (strongly!) and Sam/Jack (hinted) which I suddenly remembered about today! =D

"How the hell did I get roped into this? When I think about all the ways I could have been spending this moment in time, THIS was not one of my preferred options..."

Ah! Who would have thought it?? This is kind of a strange premise, but bare with me because I think it's really funny when you get into it! Dun dun duuuuun!

Title: Captive
Author: MoaningMinnie
Characters: Daniel, Vala, Sam and Jack
Summary: A long long time ago, on a planet far, far, seriously. I don't really know where this is set, but I'll tell you it's roughly round about the time Daniel & Vala are really falling for one another. *squee!* It is each of their thoughts on being captured, and is written in that way.
Spoilers: None whatsoever.

Notes: Ok, I could possibly have thought this out better towards the end, but I think the way it finishes is kind of inkeeping with the rest of the story! It was more about the thought processes (you'll see =D) rather than the premise, for me. Enjoy, and plix comment! (:


As the story begins, our protagonists find themselves waking up, being held captive in cages. Sam and Jack are tied back to back in the same cage, Daniel and Vala are in seperate cages...

How the hell did I get roped into this? When I think about all the ways I could have been spending this moment in time, THIS was not one of my preferred options.

Sam’s shuffling her feet next to me. I know she’s scared...or is she? I am...maybe I am, I can’t really think too well right now. Sam never seems afraid come to think of it. Surely that doesn’t mean she’s some kinda emotionless robot? Maybe I’m just a wuss...

He turns his head almost 90 degrees to look at Sam behind him. She mirrors his actions and looks him in the eye.

No – Sam’s a robot.

A sexy robot, of course. Man, imagine they sold sexy Carterbots – that’d be cool.

Whatever Jack’s thinking, I don’t want to know. I’ve seen those eyes before, leering and suggestive. In fact I see those eyes on a day-to-day basis...

Okay, concentrate.

How are we going to get out of this? Firstly, how did they manage to get us all here together? This suggests some kind of transporting technology...though they don’t seem the most advanced of species. I think we quite firmly established that when the taller of the two consumed whatever he’d removed from behind the shorter one’s ear.

Though was that an ear? The way those holes are positioned on their faces suggests more of an auditory output than input...

Stop. Carter, think!

This transporting technology must have been acquired from somewhere – whether stolen or traded. If only I could catch a glimpse...

She leans to one side, craning her neck to observe her captors, only she leans too far and tips both her and Jack over.

Damn! "Sorry, sir." Hope I didn’t hurt him.

Oh, that definitely got their attention...yep, those are definitely ears...


I am so glad they gagged Vala. No doubt she would be making the situation far worse, were that even possible.

How long’ve we been here now? Surely somebody must have noticed us – well, noticed Sam missing by now. Not so sure about Jack. Or Vala for that matter.

Maybe that’s for the best though. If anybody ever found out what the two of us were doing, we’d probably be extradited to Abydos. Why did I ever let her talk me into it? Well, I guess the question is: howcome I seem to be the only one who isn’t impervious to her?

Hmm, now I come to think of it actually, I don’t think our secret is a secret anymore. One look at the pair of us dressed as we are right now and even Thor could hazard a good guess as to what we were doing. This isn’t good.

And the way her half clad body keeps struggling against those binds...

I cannot believe she can still do this to me even under circumstances like this. I hope nobody notices...


Those aliens are seriously ugly. Are they meant to have those...ear things sticking out of their heads? Are they even ears though? They look more like...protruding mouths of some sort.
How disgusting.

Right, to the question of escape – I wish they’d take this thing off my mouth! I’m sure I could negotiate a way out of here. My previous attempts were cut short with this blasted silencing device...why is nobody else doing anything about it? Where’s Sam’s mastermind when we need it?

Hmm, she does look like she’s contemplating something, I have to say. Yes, that’s definitely her thinking face. Or maybe she’s thinking about Jack O’Neill...she’s most definitely looking at him...

Hang on a minute, what is Jack doing here? He looks like he’s wearing some sort of undergarment. More than can be said for me, I suppose. Was he plucked from his bedroom just as we were?

...Aww look at Daniel. He’s definitely not going to be coming up with any magnificent escape plans. He looks mortified! Bless him. Though it really is no wonder – I mean, unlike me, he just can’t pull off the whole “sexy undergarment” thing. I’ll give him credit, he does look impeccable in that...what is it he called it?...t-string?...well, whatever it’s called, it certainly shows off those fabulous gluteus maximus of his! I don’t know why he’s remaining in that crouched position. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want anybody to see his assets...

Oh! He’s looking over – Daniel! Daniel!

Argh, this silencing device! Why did nobody else get one?

Daniel! I need some other way to attract his attention...I know...he certainly won’t be able to ignore me if I – Oh, no need, he’s looking. Hmm, problem number do I communicate?

Blast! He’s looking behind me! No, hold on...oh that’s just great. He’s still looking at me, but that man’s mind is most definitely NOT on escaping.



“Listen to me, we are not your enemy. We’ve never even been to your homeland before.” Come on, sir, back me up here!

“Yes, though we’d be slightly less inclined to visit now, what with the whole KIDNAPPING THING!...”

Excellent, sir. Thanks for the support. He doesn’t even recognise when I’m glaring at him. Typical.

Well, looks like I’m going to be the only one getting us out of here. Again.

What’s Daniel doing? Or more importantly...what’s he wearing? It kind of matches Vala’s outfit...though she looks slightly more comfortable in hers than he does in his.

Okay, don’t laugh. Whatever they were doing, you don’t want to know, Sam.

Back to escaping...


What the hell is Daniel wearing?

More importantly, why haven’t I mocked and ridiculed him by now?

Oh, that’s right...because I’m TRAPPED IN A CAGE SUSPENDED IN MID AIR!! Argh. Maybe if I reason with them...

“Listen...guys?...or girls...It’s been real nice and all...thanks for the top-notch hospitality, but I think we’d all really like to get back to our beds now, so if you’d just let us down – gently – we’ll be on our way...”

Silence. Great, I love silence. Not.

Some time later, and our protagonists are still in the same tricky situation. Helpless, they can do nothing but watch their captors beneath them.


Man, that Simpson’s episode was cool tonight. That scene with Homer in the gun shop...


Why’re they looking?

“Oh, no, I’m not...laughing at you,” you crazy freaks, “I’m laughing at Homer...”

Hmm, maybe I do have to explain...Yeah, definitely. Now Carter, Vala and Doctor Underpants are looking.

“It’s an inside joke, guys...but y’know what isn’t an inside joke?...LETTING US OUT OF HERE!”

Stupid aliens....


Okay, this is quite possibly the most embarrassed I’ve been in my entire life...I don’t understand why we’re being kept here. I don’t think they even understand us. Establishing some kind of dialogue is clearly a non-starter – as demonstrated flawlessly by Val—What is he looking at?

“Oh, what is it now, Jack? Yes, I’m wearing something I promised myself I wouldn’t be seen dead in. And yes, the fact that Vala is wearing a similar outfit raises some highly suspicious questions, but come on! Shouldn’t we be trying to focus our efforts on escaping from this place?!”

Hmm...maybe that outburst was a bit unnecessary...yeah, I think I’ve just made circumstances a whole lot worse for myself.

This is all Vala’s fault.


Why is Daniel reacting so violently to being caged on his underwear? I must say I find the experience quite liberating...reminiscent of that highly stimulating show I purchased on Daniel’s television set...what was it called? ... George of My Jungle? ...

Having said that, he didn’t seem too pleased when he discovered me watching it. Maybe that’s why he’s so angry now...a little TOO similar to the plot of the movie he disliked so.
These Earth men – I’ll never figure them out. How can anybody decipher their signals? Their actions tell a whole different story to their words, and their body language. Their intentions – well, I bet their God had a whale of a time creating that aspect of their personalities...I thought Daniel Jackson might have been different, but he’s just like all the rest...

Why does it make me so depressed to say that?

Hmm, perhaps I do like Daniel Jackson more than I would care to admit...Attachment though, it leads to all kinds of problems, Of course, the activites Daniel and I were participating in before we were so rudely interrupted could hardly be described as meaningful, spiritual acts. But, in a way they were...I guess we’ll never know now...

Oh my, I am starving.


Is Colonel O’Neill sleeping? He hasn’t moved for a while...I’ll give him a little nudge...there we go.

“What is it, Sam?”

“Sir, I’m starting to think that this might all our heads...”

“Ah ha...and what makes you think this?”

“Well, think about it—“

“—Sam, I’ve been awake for almost 48 hours. I’m not thinking about anything. Explain it to me – black and white.”

That smile always does it. Why does he make me grin like this?

“We’ve been here for roughly 8 hours...give or take a few. Our captors have said nothing to us in that time, and yet they continually scan us...but never make contact. The four of us are the only ones who can communicate with one another and we were all in bed or sleeping when we were brought here...”

“...Uh, somehow I don’t think Mr and Mrs leopard print over there were sleeping at the time...”

Hmm, he’s got a point. Unless...

“Hey, Daniel! I’m not going to make any comment about your clothing—“

“—Or lack thereof...”

“Quiet, Sir!” He always has to get a word in!

“Daniel, I need to know something. You and Vala...were either of you...sleeping...when we were abducted?” Boy, that sounds absolutely ridiculous out loud. Of course he’s not answering. “I’m sorry, I just...need to know. I have a theory about how we came to be here.”

That got his attention.


Oh this is it, this is where my dignity is effectively thrown through the Stargate to god-only-knows-where. Why is Vala flailing around like that?

“I need to tell them, Vala...”

“Tell us what?” Oh what I’d give to wash that smug grin off Jack O’Neill’s face...

“Ok, we were passed out at the time." Don'tlaughdon'tlaughdon'tlaugh, "the last thing I remember was...” Forgive me, Vala. “Vala running at me while I was lying on my bed” no need to mention that I was tied to the bedposts “and accidentally smacking her head against mine. I don’t remember anything after that”

Argh. It’s out there.


Hahahahahahahahaha! That’s gonna be one to tell the grandkids...

And so, after much debacle, some killer kung-fu moves and a little bit of Sam Carter magic, our loveable team are soon awake again, back where they were some 8 hours ago, all cosy (or not so cosy) in their beds. Strangely, they have no recollection of what just happened to them... what Daniel and Vala were really up to...


Oh my Goodness...what is that pain in my head? Why am I lying here? Ahha...maybe that runny-jump thing wasn’t SUCH a good idea...Did I hit his head?



“Vala, why did you run at me like that? I was seriously worried for a moment...and I think I’m going to have a permanent scar now.”

“Oh quiet, Daniel.” Let me just get back on top of him before he complains some more...there., he’s definitely not going to be complaining for a while...

“ you really think this is a good idea?”

He wants me to stop? Now?

“What do you mean?”

“I just think that I don’t want this to end badly. I don’t just want to be your play thing, Vala.”

This? Now? I thought that was exactly what he wanted...If that counsellor on the television set – Oprah, I think she’s called – has told me anything, it’s that men don’t want to commit! Daniel Jackson is, indeed, a complex individual...


“But nothing, Vala. Maybe the blow to the head has knocked sense into me, I don’t know. This – what we’ve been doing – it’s been fun but I just want something more.”

“Well, that’s fine...if you want more...” But what if he doesn’t want it with me...

“I need to know you’re serious. You know my past – I do NOT want to have to go through that pain again, Vala...I don’t want to have to go through it with you...”

I did not see that coming.


She’s smiling, that can only be good. I hate it...having to say this at this particular moment especially... I don’t want to be hurt again.

I can’t be hurt again.

In a kind of silent contemplation, Vala lowers her head, all words absent from her mind except those just spoken by Daniel. An agreement, a mutual respect passes between them and Daniel brushes his hand against Vala’s cheek. She looks up, into his eyes.

Despite the circumstances leading to them being there and the seemingly shallow premise for their actions, Daniel and Vala kiss then.

They continue to kiss as Daniel reaches over and pulls a blanket over her shoulders, wrapping her in it and easing her backwards onto the bed. When they eventually finish, he places one final kiss on her forehead and pulls her towards him, sighed contently.

They didn’t have sex that night; instead, the pair simply fell asleep. It was an exhaustion inexplicable to them both.

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